PNS348 Lisa Rinna's downstair lips

PNS 348 -- Hey, y’all! My gorgeous hubby borrowed the forklift from work and unwedged me out of our trailer for the day. I’m so fucking happy! Praise Jesus. Noah’s trailer – I mean, apartment, doesn’t smell like grandma’s gyne. He’s making eggplant dip. Fancy! He’ll need a ton of mayo and some Cheetos with that. Does AZT make your hair fall out like chemo? Or just Tom Hanks’ in Phila. Delphia. Maybe it was the stress of having that Speedy Paella Gonzales boyfriend. Check out the superstar powerhouse of talent on “I’m A Celebrity, Get Outta My Groin”: Lou Diamond Phillips, Frangela, Torrie Wilson, John Salley, Heidi Montag, Spencer Pratt, Stephen Baldwin, Janice Dickinson and Sanjaya. Oh – and Patti Blagojevich. Never let Janice off the island. Please. Watch Pat’s video at IML and Pat and Rob’s new trailer trashing videos on the PNSexplosion site on YouTube. They’re real funny. Noah saw people having full-blown anal at IML. Was it Rob? Was it Eric? Hmmm? While those guys were having 4-D sex, Pat was getting some 3-D porn from Emerson. Praise the lord! Melissa Joan Hart is one hoagy away from being the PNS’ biggest listener. The crazy lady in the street just yells ’80s movie titles but they all sound like “Fletch.” Google Dr Ruth. She’s an a-borscht-ionist. I kill myself. There’s a fine line between men with beer guts in chaps and your average Renaissance fairgoer. A little B&D, a little D&D. Get some poop bags for your next puppy play session. Kerb your boyfriend! Here come the stars of this week’s Irrelevant Pop Culture Moments™: Nia Vardalos’ dog, Kevin Bacon, Chace Crawford, Jerry Ferrara, Breckin Meyer, McG, Bill Murray, Bernie Mac, Zac Ephron, Lisa Rinna’s lips (upstairs and down) and Oprah. Update: Farrah Fawcett is still alive. What would be a good new passion for Oprah? Someone dropped Patrick an email about ending a 10-year relationship. Really? After 10 years you thought the PNSexplosion would be your best bet for advice? Just drop $6,000 into the PayPal account for the real answer. Yeah, dump him. Time to go. Noah has to make some more DVDs because he’s a single mom with not a lot of time. And do his hair. There are 78 new posts on Boomtacular. Go look at ‘em, y’all! Praise Jesus.