PNS 349 -- Hello. Is this 4215 Pussy Way? I’m Kathleen Turner. Now let me check the zip code. Two-one-two-fuck-you? I think this summer’s gonna be off the hook. If no one has to poop at the Jewel during Pride and Pat can keep his illnesses at bay and his jungle fever under control, then you can bet it’ll be off the hizzy! If a hand job isn’t going to get you across the line, it’s time to rack it up a notch and get yourself some Full-Blown Anal, now available in freshmint, hazelnut and craisin. Yummers! A call from the nation’s crapital to the nation’s number one source for podiatry information: what to do about a broken toe? Do what a drag queen does when she has to tuck: tape it up! Don’t forget to pack your travel douche. Check out the new PNS vidjoes on the YouTube, and watch for more on the way this summer with everyone in them, schedules permitting. Maybe there’s a small role for me. You know I’m not working. Which One Note Sally is more irritating: Amy Adams or Kristin Chenoweth? Noah fakes anaphylactic shock just for the free epinephrine and the ride home in the ambulance. He’s a smart boy. This weather is bullshit. I’m gonna make a brand new start of it in old Den-ver. And if you could make it there, you really could make it anywhere. Do you think I could make it there? I used to be box-office gold but then there was that whole V.I. Warshawski thing and now small children point at my face in the street, and not in a good way. Speaking of moon-faced ladies hauling themselves out of a swamp of failure, what’s Cybill Shepherd up to? Sittin’ around still seething about Bruce Willis’ and Christine Baranski’s talent. Ooh -- 3-D porn! Does it make Full-Blown Anal any look prettier? More anal-y? Another call, this time from Florida. A woman comes into the store and uses testers to put all her make-up on. Christ! I’ve been there, you know. What did you buy on cassingle? Pat says he isn’t a music person. Rob had an Anita Baker single. Noah bought Tiffany’s “I Think We’re Alone Now.” I owned that one, too, but it was a vinyl 45 and sung by Tommy James & the Shondells. A big Highway to Heaven finish. I’ve had so much fun. If you need a larger lady with a beejer voice, give my agent a call. Please.