PNS 324 show notes by her Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II --
Good evening. Enjoy these delightful songs about bum flu, blow, and schoolgirls with BMIs over 40. Ask them to play “Gimme Some Cake!” at your next Zumba class. No, Nell Carter, you diabetic dyke. Not you. It’s easy to pick up quadriplegics. Just kick a Lego under their wheels and have your way with them. Wheeee! Irrelevant Pop Culture Moment: Ryan Adams liked it so he put a ring on it, “it” being Demi Moore’s, I mean Michael Moore’s, I mean Julianne Moore’s, I mean Roger Moore’s, I mean Mandy Moore’s nipple. I mean finger. Wait – which one is Ryan Adams again? Thankfully, Noah’s Oscar gown comes with OdorShield. Cojo turned into a fugu because he broke the golden rule: never accept loans or kidneys from friends. So what’s Chazzy’s excuse? From ‘When Patrick Met Noah’: “I’ll shrillcast what he’s shrillcasting.” Madonna is shtuping a fresh favelado called Jesus. Their orgasms must be hilarious. The French word for dildo is godemichet. Isn’t that right, Lourdes? Use your flex spend account to buy new Summer’s Eve with a Hint of Candidiasis. Gently insert the Comfortip nozzle into your vagina, no more than 3 inches, and slowly squeeze the bottle. Oof! I’m in here! NAMBLAites love you even more when you’re totally asking for it. Cha-wa-wa. You say it. Cha-wa-wa. The next celebrity to start slapping and biting girls: Kevin Jonas. Say “Dobri den” to a pack of Parliaments. Joan Crawford smoked ’em. So does Lindsay Lohan. Speaking of smokin’ Ukrainians, Denise Richards’ dance partner is Maksim Aleksandrovich Chmerkovskiy. She calls him “Maks.” He calls her “Denise Rish-ards.” A random phrase to keep the young ’uns happy: FuCkIn WiT mE pAyZ -- mEsS aRoUnD n LeAvE yA dAzEd. For reals: Liza Minnelli ran offstage during a concert to tell Lorna Luft to pull Nell Carter out of the audience and get her into rehab, stat. Talk about a pot/kettle/black situation. I can’t feel my feet! Liz out.